talk·ing

talk /tôk/
v.talked, talk·ing, talks
1. To articulate (words): The baby is talking sentences now.
2. To give expression to in words: talk treason.
3. To speak of or discuss (something): talk music; talk business.

    this is totally awful, but i often times get frustrated with people talking. if you are familiar with Brian Regan's "me-monster" joke, you'll understand. think back to a social situation in which you or someone else tells a story, then think what came next- someone else sweeps in with their own story. theirs are always bigger and better. this would drive me nuts, and it would bother me even more when i caught myself doing it. i grew to hate this battle between who could tell the best story, or who could present their thoughts in the most dramatic and captivating way.
    the other day i was with a few friends and this same exact situation came up. one by one, nearly cutting the previous storyteller off, each person threw in their two cents (myself included)- this game kept up for a few rounds. as i was listening to a friend's story my mind seemed to have stopped trying to dig through my past trying to come up with a rivaling story and found something beautiful in this rush to share stories.
    a good friend of mine (who never ceases to show and teach me new things) was telling her story and i thought- is it that the only reason this story exchange thing bothers me is because i don't have the best stories and other people are getting attention and being glorified for their tales?. this thought did not sit well; because it was true. i realized that my issue with people talking was not with what they were saying, but because they were talking and getting the spotlight- not me. i realized how selfish i can be in social situations and it made me sick.
    after coming to this revelation i slowly began to see the beauty within these exchanges. i have learned so much about my friends and peers- things that are important, things that i can relate with, things that define my friends by merely listening and not rivaling. these stories are not just crossbars on a latter being used to climb up the social hierarchy, but they are real stories, real feelings, real concerns, real fears and real joys. i need to treat people's stories as such.
    i enjoy listening to people talk. i am learning to love through eager ears. the more i wrestle with this, them more important this seems. being able to set aside my pride and my story for the sake of listening and learning is difficult and socially contradictory- it is something that i have realized is essential in the creation of real love.
    i'm trying. i'm trying. i'm trying.